These dreams go on when I close my eyes

Dreams are one of the most fascinating aspects of life that we’ll never remember. It’s like going through the 60’s every night. Unfortunately for me just because I don’t remember my dreams doesn’t mean I don’t still feel some residual emotions from them afterward.

I awoke from a dream this morning that quickly faded from memory as usual, but left me feeling ill-at-ease, a little bit depressed. What little I remember of it regarded an acquaintance of mine from several years ago. In the dream her husband had died. That’s all I remember. But hours later it’s still haunting me a little. It’s not a good way to start a morning.

Truly good dreams are rare any more–at least as far as I can remember. At best they seem to be neutral, every-day life sort of dreams. The ones most memorable (which usually means that I remember having a dream at all) seem to be anxiety dreams. The most common one is where I’m called in to help put on a musical or a play. Most of the time its one I’ve done before, but this time it’s a part I’ve never played. And we’re going straight to performance with no chance to rehearse, teach me the stage blocking, or anything. We’re just going for it, and it’s up to me to not only remember the lines for a part I’ve not done, but figure out where I need to go.

To my subconcious’ credit, I spend much of the dream convincing myself I can do it. But inevitably the curtain rises and anxiety hits me full on. I tend to wake myself up at that point, because I just don’t want to deal with it any more.

Why don’t I have as many good dreams? Perhaps I do, but since they’re good, they’re also not memorable. Certainly I’d have no reason to wake up from them, and I remember most the dreams I wake up from. But I certainly don’t seem to be awakened from good dreams. It’s not fair. I could use a positive kick to the day. But at best my alarm pulls me out of something dull.

Does this mean I’m just a dull, negative person? Do more cheerful, outgoing people have good dreams? Or are people cheerful and outgoing because they have good dreams? If so, I want a refund.

I’d complain to my senator, but the last thing we need is a government takeover of our dreams.

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