Eyes on the prize

I don’t write about my mom much. Not because I don’t love her, nor because it would embarrass her (it wouldn’t because she doesn’t read my blog to my knowledge). Certainly not because her influence is any less than my dad’s has been. If anything she’s been more of an influence in my life. She’s just been, perhaps, quieter about it. My mom has never sought the limelight–if anything attention makes her want to hide. Come to think of it, I probably got that from her, with just enough of a dramatic streak from my dad to allow me to enjoy performing.

But if there’s one thing I learned from my mom it’s that family comes first. Even when she had to work in order to help keep our family afloat it was just that–to keep our family afloat. She’s a good worker, and had she chosen to have a career she could have had a good one. Instead she garnered her reputation into flexible hours back when flex-time just wasn’t heard of. She spent years working late at night in an office by herself, not another soul in sight, because that is what worked best for allowing her to be home with her kids during the day. Her boss would rather let her do that than lose her.

Later when most of the kids were in school she was able to get another job with flexible hours that could mostly be worked while we were all in school, allowing her to get home before we did, or not long after.

If she ever felt like she’d missed out by focusing more on her family than having a career I never heard a word about it. Definitely not from her. I seldom heard her complain about working all day and then working most of the evening too to take care of kids and the household chores. It’s just what moms (and dads) do.

I’m not sure I’m as devoted as she was, but I still grew up getting the message loud and clear: parents take care of their kids and provide for them. That’s just what they do, and it doesn’t matter what they may have to give up in order to do that.

That wasn’t so earth-shaking a concept back then. Today, however, it seems as though kids are an accessory, as though when you get married you’re given an order form: “Please indicate if you would like to have children, pets, frequent exotic trips, or a large house. Select one, maybe two.” Kids are just another option, one you can outsource to someone else. Is it any wonder that children’s repect for their parents is rapidly decreasing?

How do you really, adequately thank a mother? You never really understand what a mother is, what a mother does, until you become a parent yourself. It goes far beyond 20,000+ meals prepared, thousands of loads of laundry, rides to school, loving care when you’re sick. Mothers are the very foundation of life that allows a child to begin to experience and explore the world around them. For a mother to be taken for granted is almost a requirement–if a child doesn’t feel safe and cared for at home, how can they possibly feel safe enough to take on the world outside?

Home was always a good, safe place to be while I was growing up. I never really appreciated the effort involved from both parents, but especially my mom, to make and keep it that way. It never occurred to me that my mom might want to spend her time on something other than keeping the household running and the kids from running wild. I never considered that there could be something more important for a woman to do.

Today the message is that pretty much anything is more important for a woman to do. But that’s not what my mother taught me. There was nothing more important to her than raising a good family. Though I’m not as good as she was at applying it, it’s still a lesson she passed on to me. Considering that the greatest happiness I’ve found in life has been with my own family, I’m pretty sure she was on to something. Thank you, Mom.

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