Many a parent, frustrated with a rebellious child, has uttered the words, “may you someday have a child just like you!” I wouldn’t say that having children is a curse, but it’s definitely a challenge, a test that helps define who you are. I’ve experienced nothing in life to match being a parent. Parenting demands more from you than you could ever have realized going in. At the same time, nothing has helped me grow more as a person than trying to teach my children how to be decent persons.
Let me just say that I love my children dearly. They are amazing human beings, and when everything is running well there is nothing in life finer than spending time with my family. Their potential is amazing, and I often envy their position of being young and having the world at their feet. Oh, to be young again while retaining the hard-earned experience of age. But it’s one of the ironies of life that at the time of your life when you have almost limitless opportunity you lack the perspective to really know what to do with it.
Of course one of the other ironies of life is that once you’ve attained the experience and perspective to know what to do with life you find yourself completely inadequate to the task of teaching what you’ve learned to those who could benefit from it most.
At one point in life I was going to be a music teacher. But, as I often explain, that all changed when I became a part-time teacher at a private school during my final college years. I suddenly found I didn’t want to be supervising kids, I wanted to be one of the kids.
Somehow I thought it would be different in having my own kids.
I’ve struggled as a parent. I’ve screwed up more times than I care to count. I’ve failed to be the parent I would like to be more often than I’ve succeeded. I’ve really got no clue what I’m doing. As the saying goes, the older I get the smarter my parents become. I’ve no idea how they did it, and I can’t help but wonder if they felt the same way when they were going through it.
But fortunately for all of us, I’m getting better. At least I think so. There have been times when I’ve finally had enough of my failings, pulled on my big-boy pants, and determined to to change. Perhaps I’ve not overcome those weaknesses entirely, but I’ve become better, I think.
That may be one of the beauties of the parent-child relationship. You’ll do things for your kids you’d never do for yourself, including change. I can live far too easily with the repercussions of my personal failings when it’s just myself. But seeing it effect my kids can be enough to finally move me to change. I’ll become a better person for them before I’ll become better for me.
I like to think I’ve made progress, that I’m a better person today than I was. If so, I have my kids, in large part, to thank for that. They deserve a better example than I’ve given them, but I’m trying.
Meanwhile time keeps slipping away. My kids are getting older. It won’t be long now before my daughter sets out on her own and I’ll only be able to hope we’ve taught her everything she needs to know. I’m not sure if, once you’ve begun being a parent, you ever get to stop worrying about them. But one thing is growing increasingly clear. I have to do my best to enjoy them while I’ve still got them.
No, you never stop. You manage to put layers of crud over the top so that the worry doesn’t keep dominating your every moment, but, you never stop. get used to it.
On a completely different topic. If you were writing a Manual and need to talk about a hypothetical client how would solve the problem of using he and she? Right now I’ve just randomly switched between them, but I stay consistent within the paragraph.
Give it to someone else to read and see if they have any difficulty understanding what you’re saying and/or if they find the switching grabs their attention too much. There may not be a problem if no one is bothered by it. Alternately/pre-emptively you might simply refer to them as “the client” instead. Some people use a vague and slightly-grammatically-incorrect “they” or “them” ie, using a gender-neutral plural pronoun.
If people do find the alternating usage draws their attention too much you might drop disclaimers into the book now and then indicating that “for the sake of gender neutrality I use he and she interchangeably in my examples”, or something along those lines, thus heading off anyone who is bothered by it simply because they think you can’t keep track.
Anyone else have input on this?
Thanks–the grammatically incorrect plural makes me Speech therapist part of me cringe, so I think I will go with switching and explaining (it’s written for other speech therapists & we may be a little OCD that way) But I will have someone read it and see if they are distracted.