The weekend provided me with a couple of online incidents that are at odds with one another. I’m not sure why I’m even mentioning this, since I don’t come to any real conclusions from either. Perhaps it’s just this: We already get enough of the negative online. We need more of the good.
Husbands and wives don’t always get along. I know that. We all know that. So why broadcast it on Facebook? I know some people have even ridden that particular train to a level of notoriety and fame, but still… I read about how one spouse made a mistake and the other spouse intends to punish them by spending a lot of money, and I cringe. I see their friends piling on, and it makes me sad.
I know it’s not my place to criticize. Every couple has their own way of dealing with things. Everyone has their own style of getting along. What works for one doesn’t work for another, and vice versa. I have friends whose marriages I thought wouldn’t last five years, and twenty years later they’re still going strong. I have other friends who I thought had it figured out, and they’re long since divorced. Clearly I’m not qualified to judge what makes marriages work.
But I’m pretty sure broadcasting your problems on Facebook is more of an obstacle to overcome than something that brings you close together.
On the other hand, there’s the guy I knew in college who at first look I thought was something of a jerk. I repented of that opinion as we got to know each other. He’s a good guy, and those times we really connected mean a lot to me. College bachelorhood is not exactly a time for your natural paternal instincts to show, but in time I saw clues that he had them. Fast forward fifteen years, and his Facebooks posts are generally about his family. His kids are absolutely the cutest, and the expression on his face when he’s with them is just about as cute. He’s loving the family life, and it makes me smile every time I see his posts.
I’m sure he has his off days, too, and there are probably even days he wants to strangle those kids, no matter how cute. That’s life. But it’s clear from his posts that he appreciates those good moments. Some day his kids will be old enough to find some of these posts, perhaps, and I’m pretty sure what they’ll get from them is “Daddy loves me.”
I can’t think of a better social media message to send, frankly.
So today I’m going to do my best to focus on the later instance and forget the former. As I often say, you find what you look for. I think I’d rather have reasons to smile.