What’s love got to do with it?

Not that long ago someone made a video showing total strangers who were paired off and asked to kiss on camera. The claim was that what began as awkward actually got to be rather sexy. I’m not sure why this was a stunning revelation, but there it was.

I saw a headline this morning that someone (same people or someone else) has now made a video showing strangers undressing each other for the camera. Again, it’s supposed to be awkward, and then kind of sexy.

I think what we’re supposed to learn here is that watching people be intimate is sexy. To quote the parrot Iago, “Now there’s a big surprise! I think I’ll have a heart attack and die of not surprise! Yes, you heard it here first, folks! Pornography gets people excited.

But really, what else can we learn here? That strangers can quickly get over their awkwardness and enjoy physical contact if they’re both willing to commit to it? That people enjoy things more if they give themselves permission to enjoy it? These are not ground-breaking concepts.

I have to wonder: how long before we get the video of total strangers asked to have sex for the camera? Oh, I’m sure they’ll find some way to make it suitable for general consumption by not quite showing everything, but can there be no doubt, now that they trend has been set in motion, that that’s where it’s headed? And I’m sure it will be marketed as before, by masking it all in some social experiment and with surprise that “hey it was awkward, but it actually got kinda sexy!”

But seriously, does society really need further reinforcement that intimacy with strangers is cool and okay? Are there really any last hold-out bastions of “prudishness” who still think that total intimacy with anyone at any time and for any reason is wrong? (I mean besides my own religion, of course.) Does Free Love still need cheerleaders? If anything we need to question the new status quo and see if throwing away all inhibition has really achieved what they claimed it would. Has it made us happier? Has it made us better?

I think marriage as an institution is hanging on out of sheer inertia. It’s a tradition that doesn’t mean anything any more, but it’s kinda cool, so we still do it. But beyond being somewhat more of a commitment than a friendship bracelet, what’s the point? What does marriage really have left to offer most people that they can’t get otherwise? An excuse to dress up, have a big party, and get a lot of free stuff, I suppose. But what do the bride and groom give each other that is uniquely for one another? Certainly not their bodies–those have been given to, well, pretty much everyone. Their innermost thoughts, feelings, and desires? Probably not. Their BFFs probably have already been there. Access to one another’s bank accounts?

Really, about the only advantage left to marriage over just living together is economic. There are some advantages to forming a legal entity for domestic cooperation. But love? Intimacy? Emotional support? Marriage doesn’t mean a thing there any more. We’re taught that love is essentially physical attraction with a little bit of personal compatibility, but that it’s completely beyond your control. People fall in love, people fall out of love, and no one knows why or can predict how long it will last. It just ends, and that’s okay. Better luck next time, right?

Excréments du taureau. We’ve let people like the makers of the aforementioned videos convince us that sexual intimacy is all that matters, and that love can be manufactured. Just put two people together, and so long as they give themselves and each other permission to be close, they can find something “kinda sexy” together. We’ve defined love down to infatuation, to hormonal drive, while simultaneously mythologizing it beyond recognition. We worship the concept of love in our rom-coms and dramas by making it something ethereal and fleeting, hard to define, and even harder to capture. It just happens, and when it happens you lose all control of your brain.

But no, that is not love, that’s hormones. Love is not something that happens to you, it’s something you do, something you choose. It’s a continual, daily–even hourly–commitment to a single person; that their happiness is as or more important than your own. It’s the results of day after day, year after year of a life dedicated to building something together. It’s not something you do until you get tired of doing it. It’s keeping in constant contact and cooperation so that when you begin to change–and everyone will–you’re changing in the same direction rather than going your separate ways. It’s a conscious commitment that, yes, I’m going to stick with you over anything else. If a new job or a new hobby might mean I change in a direction you can’t or won’t go then I don’t do that. It means we make time for each other.

And that’s why love is so hard to find. Society teaches us that nothing is sacred except yourself: Follow your bliss. Find your passion. Develop your career. Find yourself. Have sex with strangers, broadcast your innermost secrets and thoughts online, make a sex tape to achieve celebrity status. Leave nothing of yourself private and sacred to give to that one person you want to be with forever. Anything that might have bound you more closely–well, that’s already been given away. Everything except your actual commitment, and you don’t know how to do that any more. Society teaches to commit only to yourself.

Love is commitment to something besides yourself. Love is sharing a bond that is between the two of you alone. Love is an accumulation of history of doing, building, reaching together. Love is subjugating yourself to something bigger. Love is much more than furtive clutchings in the dark in pursuit of pleasure. Love is knowing someone has your back, that they continue to choose you in spite of your faults. Love is knowing you could have done something different, but you chose to do something together, and you’re proud of what you’ve accomplished as a team. Love is deciding that “us” is more important than “me”.

Love cannot and never will be found in front of a videographer’s camera proving that strangers can turn awkward into sexy. Anyone can titilate and excite. Hormones can be predictably manipulated. Love is not something that will be found in the pursuit of self-gratification and physical pleasure. Love is what overcomes the desire for self-gratification, and lifts physical pleasure above mere selfishness.

What’s love got to do with it? Only everything.

 

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Slippery slopes

I’ve been hearing a lot about a slippery slope lately, mostly from people who recently were told no and predictably pitched a fit. I understand. No on likes to be told no. But I do find it rather ironic that now they are the ones concerned about slippery slopes. They’ve pretty much ignored our warnings for decades, convinced we were trying to force our beliefs on them. Now they’re trying to force their beliefs on us and, when told no, are unjustifiably annoyed.

Decades ago the “enlightened ones” decided the rest of us were far too stodgy about sex outside of marriage. “Come on, lighten up!” they told us. “It’s fun! It’s natural! Stop trying to make us feel guilty for indulging our natural selves.”

“That’s a slippery slope,” we warned. “Babies are a natural consequence of indulging your natural selves, in case you’ve forgotten. This will result in a lot more of them, unwanted, and not born into a supporting family.”

“Peace out, dudes! Make love, not war! Besides, dads are obsolete,” they told us…and went and did what they wanted.

But it wasn’t long before they were back. “Hey, we’re getting a lot of unwanted babies born to unwed mothers, who now have to wreck their plans to take care of them. This is so not cool.”

“Yes,” we told them. “We warned you about that. Are you ready to go back to discouraging unwed sex?”

“Huh? No way, you squares! We want to be able to abort those babies, don’t you know? Stop trying to kill our fun.”

“But if we make it easy to get rid of unwanted babies,” we warned them, “that will just encourage you to become even more irresponsible with the process of creating babies.”

“Enough with these kill-joy ‘slippery slope’ arguments,” they replied. “You just can’t handle that anyone else is having fun.” And off they went to do what they wanted.

But soon they were back. “Dudes, contraception and abortions are expensive. Enough of that nonsense. You pay for it. We don’t want to.”

“It’s your body, your choice, your expense,” we replied. “We warned that you would become increasingly irresponsible. Now you expect us to pay for your irresponsibility so you can continue being irresponsible?”

“Man, you’re really bumming us out, here. It’s almost as if you think we don’t deserve to have you cover our bills,” they complained. “Just fork over. We know you’ve got it.”

“That’s not the point,” we said. “It’s our money. We want to do something else with it besides paying for the mistakes we warned you not to make.”

“You’re just trying to keep us down, you sexist religious tyrants,” they griped, then went out and got their friends in government to make laws forcing everyone to pay for their contraception and abortion pills.

“Enough,” some of us said. “You know we don’t agree with abortion. The contraception we could accept, but abortion pills is going too far.” And they took it to the Supreme Court who, surprisingly, actually agreed that it was okay for some people to not pay for abortion pills.”

“Slippery slope!” they all cried. “You’re just trying to use religion to force us all back into the stone age when we weren’t allowed to have sex.”

“Riiiiiight,” we said. “None of this would have been necessary if you had just listened to us, or would at least take responsibility for your own choices. And now you complain that you’re not getting your way? That’s all you’ve gotten for fifty years, and when we try to put some limits on how much of your ‘no rules, no responsibilities’ lifestyle you can force us to pay for you scream like stuck pigs. Irresponsible leeches.”

“Enough with the put-downs, man! You’re seriously eroding our self-esteem, and thats so totally not cool. Oh, and by the way, we’re kind of annoyed with the way everyone seems to want to treat women like sex objects.”

“Huh,” we replied. “That’s a real head-scratcher. You’ve been insisting for decades that THE most important issue for women is to be able to have as much sex as they want, as often as they want, with no consequences whatsoever, but somehow people got the idea that women only exist for sex. We’re as stumped as you are.”

“We know, right? And while we’re at it, what’s with men not wanting to act like grown-ups, be responsible, and get married? Don’t they know that eventually women may get tired of sleeping with just anyone and might just want one guy to share expenses with, blame for all their problems, and keep giving them money forever if they decide to divorce the guy?”

“Uh…we…uh. Yes. Well. You’ve really stumped us there. Completely inexplicable why guys wouldn’t want that. Now please go away, and forget where we live.”

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When dark clouds of trouble hang o’er us

Disclaimer/Trigger Warning: This post was conceived in a mind that also processes nuts and soy. Contains religion.

Make of it what you will, but it seems every time I try to “step up my game” spiritually my life takes a downward turn. Irritants crop up like weeds. People begin testing my patience.

I’ve mentioned before that I believe in God. And though I don’t like to dwell on it too much, that means I believe in the Devil, too. Not the horns, hooves, and tail devil, but one that looks just like you or I, and hates us all with an enmity that would make Boehner and Pelosi look like amatures.

So it’s to be expected that trying to improve myself and align myself more closely to God would draw some pushback from the opposition. The trouble it it’s not always easy to recognize that for what it is: pushback. It often looks a lot like “having a bad day.”

It’s often not the big things that bring us down, but the little things. Big things tend to rally our defenses and push us above the “prayer threshold” to where we call in the cavalry, so to speak. Little things…well, they’re little things. We should be able to just shake them off or ignore them. But we don’t devote our full attention to them, because they’re just little things.

It’s like wrestling with my nephews and neice when they were little. They were just little things, too. I didn’t want to bring my full physical advantage to bear, obviously. I could really hurt them. Nor did I want to make them mad by being too good at defending. Like Fezzik with Westley, I wanted them to feel they were doing well. I’d let them start working on me, but I’d peel them off one by one so that they couldn’t overwhelm me.

But sometimes, if they were a little more tenacious at hanging on, or if I was lax in removing them before they all three found good holds, they could take me down (and sit on my head until morning).

It’s much the same with the little things of life. They wear you down, they catch you off guard, and they gang up on you to drag you away from bettering yourself. They distract you, wear down your resolve, and make it easier to just not keep trying. And it works amazingly well. Continually.

Take this week: Back to back nightly traffic jams coming home from work after long, tedious days. Relentless heat. A little cat that has far too much energy and far too little discipline. A to-do list that never seems to get any shorter. Miscommunications with friends or family. Stress from others around me. None of those by themselves are much to worry about. But when they start to gang up on you it’s easy to forget the things you were trying to do better. They sap your strength and demand the time you had planned for other things.

So what are we to do? Well, to quote Steve Winwood, “Roll with it, Baby!” Either make those little anklebiter problems important enough to deal with or refuse to let them become more important than they deserve, but stand your ground and keep going as best you can on those things you were hoping to improve. Never give up. Never surrender.

Yeah, easier said than done. I tend to cave far too easily. I pray for patience, and then complain about getting opportunities to learn patience. I let other things take precedence.

But the thing is, whenever I finally take some of those things seriously enough to really, truly plead for divine help, and then back it up with concerted effort on my part, I’m finally able to make molehills out of those mountains. I’ve been able to overcome habits that had kicked my butt for years. Help is available, and it does work. But it does require work. Serious work.

No change worth making is ever easy. But just as there is a devil, there is a God; a loving, merciful God that can’t ignore your failings, but will help you overcome them if you really want to. And trust me on this, “knowing you should” is not the same as “really wanting to.”

Knowing you should is not enough to keep you pushing forward through all the anklebiter annoyances and distractions. Sometimes those little problems can even provide a welcome excuse to stop trying. But inevitably our internal peace gets pushed out along with our noble aspirations. Just remember there is hope smiling brightly before us, and we know that deliverance is nigh–if we keep pushing forward.

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Music Review: Jane Monheit – Surrender

Have I mentioned lately that I love libraries? I dropped in to one with my family this weekend and came away with a bunch of CDs to listen to. Some of them are completely unfamiliar to me. At least one of them is a hit: Jane Monheit’s “Surrender”.

Jazz is such a broad category you never really know what you’ll get when you pick something up at random. It could end up being obnoxious, atonal stuff that drives me batty, or it could be more like Rock-n-Roll, or more like New Age. In this case it’s vocal jazz ballads along the lines of Diane Krall, Ella Fitzgerald, or Michael Buble.

Monheit’s got a pleasant, very listenable voice. There’s no distinctive quality to it, necessarily, but she also feels no reason to show off, either. She embellishes, of course, but never to the point that it calls attention to itself. It’s just a solid, clear, sweet voice that doesn’t demand attention, but also doesn’t grate or wear. She’s perfect for either listening to intently or using as background music. If you want to listen closely she will show off an impressive depth and understanding of what she’s singing about, and the vocal control to convey that feeling without resorting to the usual pop tricks. To her, words matter. On top of that she never loses sight of the importance of melody–every song remains recognizable from beginning to end.

How do I describe it? I don’t know if all her albums are this style, but this one is soft, tender, light, and intimate, wrapped in a warm, twilit glow of orchestration. It’s as if she is singing to you alone, and she loves the song she’s singing as much as she loves you. She can sing Portuguese to me all she wants (which is maybe three songs). I have it on good authority her pronunciation is flawless.

I only recognize one song on the album, a very touching and lyrical “Moon River” thay may become my favorite cover yet. She’s evidently done at least one album that tackles a number of chestnuts from the American Songbook. I find myself eager to find that one so I can see what she does with them. Monheit is one of those singers who understands that often less is more, spinning out an effortless sound that makes it easy to forget just how much effort, discipline and control goes into singing that way. Perfect inflection, crisp diction, dulcet tones, and meaningful phrasing do not come easy–not all together, anyway. But Monheit’s got it.

Anyone can scream their songs to convey emotion. It takes talent to sing seductively. The truly gifted can endow a song with a life of its own. Monheit might just be the latter.

Posted in Random Musings, Reviews | 7 Comments

The things I cannot change

When I was young I wasn’t overly interested in the music of Michael McLean, mainly because he did “church music”, and I found church music a bit too sappy. I don’t think I really started to change my opinion until I went to a live performance he did of “The Forgotten Carols” and found that his songs are much more effective when he sings them himself. His voice is far from terrific, but he knows and believes what he’s singing about, so it comes through much more powerfully than when artists of better voice perform it. In my opinion.

I’ve also begun to realize that there’s a depth to his music you just can’t appreciate when young. Some things you just have to experience for yourself to really beging to understand. But I’m older now, and I’ve experienced much of the same things he has, and his music is beginning to make more sense to me. I still wish he’d sing his own songs more, but I’ll live. Over the weekend I picked up a couple of his albums. A couple songs stuck out, and one in particular:

The Things I Cannot Change
I’ve got to change the way I’m feeling about some things I cannot change
And I’m afraid this might sound holier than thou
But I keep trying not to give in to this world that I live in
And it makes my life a lonely one right now

I’ve got to change the way I’m dealing with my friends I cannot change
But it’s so hard to do when I think they are wrong
If I object to where they’re going
They say “Your judgmentalness is showing”
And the proof they have is I won’t tag along

Well I guess they’re right…I see black and white
And I think the world’s much to gray now
And I feel I need more light or just might lose my way any day now

 

I’m uncomfortably aware every day that all I need to do be liked more, to be considered wise and open-minded, is to just give in and agree with the mainstream school of thought. The trouble is, most of the real happiness I’ve experienced in life comes from doing things the mainstream school of thought tells me are outdated at best and completely idiotic and generally malicious at worst. So, do I trust them, or my own “lyin’ eyes”?

Ironically though, mainstream thinking also says “Follow your bliss”, “Follow your heart”, and “Do what makes you happy.” Always left unsaid is the caveat, “–unless what makes you happy runs contrary to what we think should make you happy.” But they don’t have to be me.

And so I continue to believe what I believe, do what I feel I should do, and try to be who I feel I should be. Better to die on my feet than live on my knees, right? There are days when that path leaves me a little battered and bruised. But there are other days when everything feels…right. I am happiest when I stay the course.

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Web Wanderings: Cilidh Funk

My brother once sent me this song on a CD mix…and I lost it when we moved. I’ve been searching for it for some time now, and finally found it.

And now I present it to you to help get your week off to a toe-tapping good time:

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Forcing beliefs

Note: I’ve gone back and forth on whether to publish this or not. But frankly, no one seems to care whether what they’re posting is offending me, so why should I care if I offend them? It’s been three days, and the steady stream of posts indicating that religious people should just sit down, shut up, and die already continues unabated, so I think I should be allowed to defend myself. Not that any of those people are going to read this and even for a minute actually contemplate what I’m saying.

I’m dismayed at how easily certain people dismiss religion these days. It seems people of religion should not be allowed to vote and should not be allowed to petition their government for a redress of grievances. Democracy, evidently, should only be granted to those who confess the government as the highest power. And yet those beliefs are no more defensible than the religious beliefs they intend to drive under ground. The moment we start declaring that only certain belief systems are acceptable for the generation of political ideas is the moment we toss out everything America has stood for from the beginning.

The religious fervor of the anti-religious has never been more clear than in the tantrum thrown over the recent “Hobby Lobby” case decided by the Supreme Court. I say “tantrum” because the quality of arguments/complaints broadcast far and wide by those who didn’t get their way is seriously lacking. If these people fear their lives being intruded on by the “irrationality of religion” they’re doing nothing to convince me they are any more rational themselves. Let us consider some of these arguments.

This ruling means women can’t get contraception, yet men get Viagra and vasectomies covered. This would only be true  if: 1) Hobby Lobby is the employer of all America, and 2) contraception is only available if employer-covered insurance pays for it. A vast majority of companies will still be under at least some obligation by the contraception mandate (which, by the way, was not part of the original Affordable Care Act, but was added unilaterally by the HHS after the fact). As for what men do or don’t get, that is up to individual employers and insurance companies–the ACA was silent on those areas. Viagra is not covered under my insurance. In fact, no medication is–except female contraception. Vasectomies are only partly covered. Where is the outrage against my employer for making my medical decisions for me?

As it stands, Hobby Lobby does not want, and did not seek, to deny their employees coverage for contraceptives, just abortofacients. They intend to provide the other options as per the mandate. From their own website:

“The Greens and their family businesses have no objection to the other 16 FDA-approved contraceptives required by the law that do not interfere with the implantation of a fertilized egg. They provide coverage for such contraceptives under their health care plan. Additionally, the four objectionable drugs and devices are widely available and affordable, and employees are free to obtain them.”

I realize for some people someone not wanting to pay for abortofacient contraception is synonymous with wanting to enslave women, but for the rest of us, I believe there should be some room between denying a woman the right to an abortion at all and not wanting to be the one to pay for it, while still providing sufficient alternatives to her needing an abortion in the first place.

This means women are not “people.” I have a hard time understanding this one, frankly, but this is what I’m hearing, so I’ll discuss it. I can only assume that women are feeling maginalized by the fact that some employers might not have to pay for their contraception. If this is the case, then men are not people either, but this seems to get ignored quite soundly. Male reproductive care and contraception coverage (of any kind) was never part of the ACA or the HHS addendum. This was a freebie to women only, and men were quite glaringly excluded. I’m not sure why. If avoiding unwanted pregnancies and giving women the most reproductive freedom possible is the goal, would it not advance this to give men incentives to employ contraception? No? Why not?

But ultimately this is just reductio ad absurdum. Of course women are people. What a company does or does not pay for cannot change that. Remember, the contraception mandate hasn’t even been in effect for a year yet. So does that mean that women were not people until that one moment when the heavens opened and Secretary Sibelius granted unto women the person-hood they had so long been denied? Person-hood is determined solely by access to contraception, and by the right to get it for free? Ridiculous. But that’s the sort of “religious” irrationality we’re dealing with here.

This ruling takes away women’s healthcare decisions. The ruling was that organizations meeting certain criteria cannot be forced to comply with the contraception mandate added by Sibelius (not by Congress). It does not invalidate the mandate itself. It’s still in force for every other company big enough to have to offer insurance. I suspect only a small percentage of companies that could take advantage of this ruling to avoid the mandate actually will–and that’s assuming the ruling voids anything beyond the coverage of those four abortofacients. Not every religious person has a strong aversion to contraception, and certainly not all will object to abortofacients, either. Besides, the ruling gives clear instruction on what remedies Congress might take to address the problem of access to abortofacients. Why not try that, instead of continuing this obsession with forcing people to do things they find objectionable?

But there is a larger, more insidious argument at work here: the idea that to not subsidize something is in essence banning it. How is that so? My company doesn’t pay for my groceries. Does that mean they’re taking away my dietary decisions? And yet I somehow manage to still buy food. They provide mass transit subsidies, but offer no gas or car insurance subsidies, even though my building is not reasonably accessible by mass transit. Does that mean they’re taking away my transportation decisions? And yet I still manage to get to work. They’re not paying for my children’s education. Does that mean they’re taking away my family planning decisions? No. They are paying me money, and some benefits they feel are reasonable. They expect me to make my own decisions with the money they pay me, based on my own priorities. There is nothing stopping me from making health care decisions that would exceed what they might provide.

There is nothing stopping female (or male, for that matter) Hobby Lobby employees from going out and buying abortofacients. This ruling does not suddenly make those drugs unavailable. To imply otherwise is ludicrious and proof that you are emotionalizing this issue in an irrational manner. You are vastly exaggerating a point to a degree that makes religion appear grounded in settled science by comparison.

I could certainly empathize with people if their argument were “This ruling will make it unduly difficult for some workers to afford contraception.” That is an undeniable truth. There may be some workers who must choose between contraception and food or rent. But that’s not the argument anyone is making. What I hear is that companies are making their female employees’ health care decisions for them by not offering free contraception. Presumably, as discussed above, making men’s health care decisions for them is perfectly acceptable. There are other medical tests and procedures that may be very important for certain individuals, but are not covered under the ACA either. Where is the outrage at the government for that? Why is it acceptable to let the government make our health care decisions when they’re not even paying for it, but are foisting the cost off on companies?

The fact remains that for most women the decision to buy and use contraception is not a question of survival. It’s the difference between making coffee at home (or getting it free at work) or buying Starbucks on the way in. If they really wanted it, they could afford it. I don’t blame them for getting someone else to cover it if they can. Everyone likes a freebie. It’s just disingenuous to get upset and claim their employer is taking away their health care decisions if it says, “Hey, our job is to make sure you have a safe, secure environment to work in. Your off-clock activities are your responsibility.” Certainly no one has a problem with men picking up their own tab. One commenter on my recent Facebook post downplayed the whole thing, insisting if she sent me $6 I should be happy and shut up. Well, if it’s that cheap, then why is it such a horrible burden for women to be independent and cover it? It’s rather condescending to assume they can’t or shouldn’t have to, I should think.

Those bible-thumpers are trying to control my woman-parts. By this reasoning, if I work for a company owned by atheists I can accuse them of trying to force their religion on me because they don’t pay for my gas to go to church. Or if they decide not to cover circumcisions. Should the government be able to force the owner of an Apple store (speaking of religion and business) to stock a minimal level of PCs in order to not discriminate against that portion of the population who can’t afford Macs, or simply don’t want one? Or if a state legalizes marijuana, should it be able to require all bakeries to provide marjiuana brownies and, if a customer has a prescription for medical marijuana, give them to them for free?

There is a considerable difference between a company owner through company policy saying “Hey, I don’t want to have to pay for that–I find that unconscionable” and “Hey, I don’t believe in that, and if I ever hear of you doing it, even on your own time and dime, you’re fired.” Considering how quick we are lately to hold companies responsible for the opinions and actions of their employees, it seems only fair that a company’s owners should be able to choose for themselves what they will and won’t support. It’s up to employees to decide whether or not they can live with working for such a company. If no one wants to work at Hobby Lobby any more that’s perfectly fine. And I suspect the owners are willing to accept that outcome if that’s what happens. They can’t make people want to work for them, except through the incentives they offer. If abortofacients is a show-stopper, women won’t apply there.

The Constitution only guarantees the right to pursue happiness. It does not guarantee happiness itself. No one can be forced to provide you happiness, or to fund it. They just can’t get in the way of your defining and pursuing it yourself. If abortofacients is your definition of happiness that’s entirely your choice. But someone else not buying them for you does not in any way infringe on that. You can still pursue that aborto-blisscience to your heart’s content. With your own money.

My body, my choice. Uh huh. If you’re relying on the government to mandate it you are not the one making the choice. The Good Government giveth, the Good Government taketh away. If contraception is so important to your physical well-being I would recommend you not make yourself dependent on an organization that’s constantly changing the rules, is late with its insurance subsidy checks, can’t even approve or balance a budget, can’t keep important emails from disappearing, can’t be trusted not to spy on you via every possible means, and increasingly allows the executive branch to draft its own legislation via executive order. Likewise, don’t become dependent on a company who could go under tomorrow, lay you off today, or be purchased next week. Take responsibility for yourself. That is the only way to ensure you always have a choice. The minute you become dependent on anyone or anything else to provide things that are important to you, you are ceding your choice to someone else.

They’re just trying to escape obeying The Law. True, and they did it through the same entirely legal, acceptable means you do. Funny how it’s a noble cause when your side wants to get around a law by appealing to the courts. When you win everyone else is just supposed to bow down and acknowledge the moral superiority of your cause, but when someone else wins…well, they’re little better than criminals. The law’s the law. The science is settled. Until you disagree with it. Remember how the Constitution is an evolving document? Well, so is the lesser law of the land. It’s how things were set up to begin with, and it’s how we’ve managed to hold together for over 200 years. Someone else got their way this time. Relax. The world isn’t ending. At least that’s what you keep telling everyone else when you win.

But it’s going to lead to companies trampling all over women’s rights in the name of religion! Funny, but whenever I use the “slippery slope” argument you say I’m over-reacting and need to chill/trust you. Again, I suspect you’ll be surprised by the number of of businesses that don’t do anything differently, not even try to avoid the contraception mandate. Businesses are, first and foremost, interested in making money. Yes, they try to do it in a way that is consistent with their moral and ethical framework, but a company doesn’t survive on ethics alone. Even if they manage to wrangle this ruling into letting them reverse current policies and discriminate against or mistreat female employees do you really think they’ll survive for long? Women (and many men) will go elsewhere to work, and the company will lose that human capital. People who disagree with such actions–which is usually the majority–will stop supporting that company and its products. They may hang in there for a few years, and I know it’s hard to wait that long for social justice to be done, but they will either fall or change their ways. It’s hard enough to survive as a company without changing to fit how everyone else is going. It’s much harder to survive by going backward and canning industry-standard policies.

A celebrity is currently floating the notion that we might feel differently if a Muslim company wanted to impose Sharia Law on its employees. First of all, how dare he malign Muslims. Aren’t we more culturally sensitive than that? Secondly, would anyone apply to work there? Thirdly, would anyone buy from that company? People seem to forget that the market is capable of punishing bad behavior far more readily than the law. You don’t think women who object to how Hobby Lobby wants to do business haven’t already found jobs elsewhere? It’s not like the company hides what they believe. Or, if you still think Mr. Takei’s meme pic is the height of intellectual argument instead of the ridiculous exaggeration it is, go read this and argue with that writer.

In any case, people invoking this argument are clearly not paying attention, nor reading the ruling. IBM is not going to suddenly be able to declare themselves a religiously motivated company in order to avoid added insurance costs. They’re a publicly-owned company, so it would be much harder for them to say that providing contraceptives is against their beliefs, and their stockholders come from all over the spectrum. Even Wal-mart couldn’t claim a religious excemption. Hobby Lobby is a privately owned firm, where it’s quite easy to prove the beliefs of the owners are reflected in the company. You don’t have to look farther than their home page to see it is owned and operated by Christians and adheres to Christian beliefs. And yet they’ve communicated no intent to roll back rights for women employees. There’s no reasonable reason to believe they wanted anything more from this case than the ability to exclude four drugs from the list of 20 requires to provide.

It’s absolutely hilarious how women seem to think that men have so much power they can get whatever they want–and that what they want is complete dominance over women. They think this ruling is going to allow men to put women back in the kitchen making breakfast and babies. I’ve got news for you. If men could do that, why did they let you out in the first place? If men truly are running the world and keeping women down, they’ve sure done a crappy job of it.  No one is going to suddenly start forcing all women back into the secretarial pool in the name of religion. If they do they’ll deserve the sudden mass exodus and subsequent bankruptcy they get.

Since when is a company a “person”? Good question. Assuming you are right, how far do you want to take it? Should the concerns of a company, then, only involve making money, with no thought for moral or ethical correctness? My car cannot act morally. I, as a person, can. But when I get in my car, am I still a person? Does my car become a person? If I hit someone…well, we say “I” hit someone, not my car. And yet if I had hit that person myself, they would hardly be hurt at all (yes, I’m a wimp). So the car, at some point, must become a manifestation of me. No one looks at the car and says, “There goes a car with Thom in it.” It’s, “There goes Thom!” or “There goes Thom’s car!” Could it be that a company is not a person, but the manifestation of a person’s will, which is pretty darn close?

If companies cannot be people, and their owners and employees, while acting in the company’s interest, lose their “person-hood”, then what business does a company have in getting involved in the community, giving to charities, championing causes, etc.? Does G.E. regularly poll its stockholders to determine their corporate policies, or what charities or causes to support? Any cause supported, any charity given to generally reflects a personal choice by some individual or small group of individuals, not a corporate one. Otherwise companies should be required to give to all causes or none, as to do otherwise implies a preference and personality that a non-person cannot have. If businesses should remain outside of politics and religion because they are not people, then could not the same be said for unions and non-profits? Yet I see few people who get bent out of shape over the notion of a company being a person simultaneously insisting that unions cannot give to political campaigns because that should be reserved for people.

The fact is, people expect companies to have morals, ethics, and a conscience all the time–and bemoan it when they don’t. But a company cannot have a conscience if it is not a person. If the people running the company shouldn’t allow their personal beliefs enter into running that company, what business do we have getting upset at them when they do something that’s legal, but not moral? Companies can’t be moral if companies aren’t people. My car can’t be moral. Therefore, if a business can’t be a person, then people running a business can’t be responsible for what that business does. Businesses should just pursue profits and leave morality out of it. Legality is all that should guide them, right?

Or is that not such a good idea? Then perhaps we should allow for the people who own and manage a company having a vested interest in how that company does business, and that their religion might play into that at some point. Otherwise we end up with companies with no soul, and no one seems to like it when that happens.

 

We know life is complicated. It’s a natural human tendency to want to simplify things by lumping everyone you see into convenient buckets. It’s also natural to, when you find a bucket of people opposed to you on a matter, to assume they’re all evil and are only interested in ruining everything you hold dear. It’s a dangerous trap, and a hard one to get out of. I know it’s too much to ask that we not assume the worst of motivations from anyone we disagree with. But can we at least ask that we not be so darned surprised to find they’re just as scared of us as we are of them? You believe that religious people are trying to force their will on everyone and turn the country into their own little theocracy? Well, is it so inconceivable that they might subsequently believe you’re trying to create a world where they have no say at all in anything and are unable to practice their beliefs without being imprisoned or put to death?

And maybe, just maybe, this isn’t going to serve our best interest in the long run if we’re unable to find common ground for fear that the slightest show of weakness or compromise on either part will allow the other side an opening in which to accomplish their long-time goal of destroying all we hold dear. Maybe, just maybe, the average person of religion (granted, there are always going to be the outliers, and on your side, too) won’t try to ban the production of abortofacients and your ability to obtain them, if you can bend far enough to not insist he pay for you to use them. Hey, you and they can still call each other evil for old time sake. But perhaps we can each learn to be a little more careful before we turn to the law to make them suffer.

Or, if all of this is unconvincing, how about I just take the low road and say this: Quit your whinging. You’ve been getting your share of wins in the Game of Courts. You expect me to hold silent and let you celebrate when you win? Well, then be a sport and shut up now. At least I’m not plastering your feed with gloating meme pics like you always do to me, you insensitive twits. And if you’d hold your tongue half as well as you expect me to hold mine, I wouldn’t even have posted this lengthy diatribe. So if you find this post boring and offensive, try not annoying me so often.

You know, I could get to like this saying whatever I want to say without worrying over whether people find it offensive. Thanks for the tip!

Posted in Random Musings | 5 Comments

Book Review: Theft of Swords, by Michael J. Sullivan

“Theft of Swords” was a Christmas present from my brother. I haven’t been putting it off. It’s just that I had a lot of other books also given as gifts that were in line first, and some of them took a long time to read. But I knew I would get to Mr. Sullivan’s novel sooner or later, if for no other reason than my youngest son looking at the cover and asking me if it would be okay for him to read. I had no idea.

But “get to it” I did, and it’s an interesting twist of fate that I got to it right after reading “The Lies of Locke Lamora”, the best-written book I haven’t liked. But whereas the “Lies” protagonists were rogues with a patina of heroic-ness, the protagonists of “Theft of Swords” are heroes with a patina of roguishness. Sullivan’s world is not exactly a nice place, but it’s not dark and gritty. (This is later explained in the extra material from the author in the back of the book. He doesn’t want to “do” gritty. He wants to write stories about heroes.) It’s not trying to make a statement. He just wanted to write a fun adventure.

And he succeeds. Twice, actually, for “Theft of Swords” is actually the first two books of his Riryia series combined into a single volume. Since they were together in a single volume I determined to read them both before reviewing them. And that is for the better. The first book, “The Crown Conspiracy”, is good, but perhaps a little too much on the light side. I enjoyed it, but I wasn’t particularly sad to end. It tells the story of Hadrian and Royce, two lovable rogues who, together, are the perfect thieves. There is nothing they can’t steal, no chamber they can’t enter, no swordsman they can’t defeat. And no trouble they can’t get caught up in. In the first book they get hired to do a job that goes terribly wrong, plunging them into a nasty mess of intrigue that they, unsurprisingly, work their way out of by the end.

It’s in the second book, “Avempartha”, that Sullivan begins weaving his larger plot arch in earnest. Details that we saw and perhaps shrugged at in the first book are revealed to run deeper than we might have thought. Hadrian and Royce take on an altruistic mission this time, which again lands them in the middle of some terrible nastiness, which they only partly succeed in getting out of. Something is brewing on the horizon, the book two starts to wind up the spring. By the time the second book ends there are multiple reasons to keep reading.

Can I let my nine-year-old read it? I’m not sure. For the most part there’s nothing he hasn’t already read. However, he’s probably not ready yet for brothels and prostitutes, however brief and vague. From Sullivan’s books he might think they are overly-attentive innkeepers, but there are enough hints otherwise to perhaps inspire some questions I’m not ready to answer yet.

I can see why my brother gave me the book–both for the book itself and for the story of the man behind the book. Sullivan’s biography reads a lot like my own, and his philosophy on stories seems quite compatible. Here is a writer whose ear I’d like to bend some time.

Right now Sullivan’s books are on sale at Barnes & Noble for 2 for @20 (actually more like $22, but still a reasonably good deal, and there are many other writers included). I’m sorely tempted to pick up at least the next one so that I have it on hand when my reading list things out further. So yes, I like his writing. If you’re tired of all the writers trying to “out-dark-and-gritty” one another, give Sullivan a try. He’ll put the fun and adventure back in fantasy for you.

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You’re a Grand Old Flag

I took off work last friday so I could go with my oldest son to scout camp. Friday was to be a camp session, followed by an overnight camp-out. This particular camp gets double-duty from its space. Our troop camped on the gun safety classroom area. The troop across the road camped in the archery range (extra incentive to be up, packed, and out of the way before classes started Saturday morning!).

Friday night they had a twilight program at the main lodge which, in addition to the normal quota of scout humor, included some more somber elements. One, toward the end, was a ceremony for retiring a worn US flag. They began by calling for anyone in the audience who had served in the military or public safety (ie. law enforcement or fire/rescue) to come be part of the honor guard.

Then they began the ceremony. We, the audience, were called to attention. A group of explorer scouts brought out the flag, still folded, then unfolded the flag. Each of the honor guard, in turn, came forward and cut one of the stripes from the flag, then carefully placed it in the bonfire. The honor guard was varied, from men who had perhaps served in Vietnam or Korea to men who had served recently or were still in the reserve, to corrent police or fire fighters. The entire ceremony was conducted in somber silence, and the only scouts I saw fidgeting where the ones who had bonfire smoke blowing in their faces.

I was touched, especially as one gentleman placed his stripe in the fire, stood back, and saluted it as the flames consumed it.

It was a comforting reminder that, in spite of others’ best efforts, some of us still hold certain things sacred. I was taught early on that our flag is to be treated with respect, and I don’t intend to change now. If the practice dies with me…well, at least it died with me, and not during my watch.

I don’t think many Americans truly appreciate just how unique the United States of America truly is. No, we are not the lone democracy in the world, nor were we when we were born, but we have striven harder than nearly any other to advance that ideal throughout the world–even while failing to fully live up to that ideal at times. We have had our failures, but those failures are generally fewer and less than many other countries, even today. Or perhaps especially today. For all our faults, the idea of neighbor taking up arms against neighbor to force the other into accepting our will or die, is still foreign and abhorrent to us. Not to say it could never happen here, but it’s still some way off yet. But it does happen in other places, and often enough that we scarcely register it any more.

The American Flag still stands for something in the eyes of the world, and while unfortunately it’s sometimes our arrogant sports teams and tourists, it also stands for a nation to which the world can turn to keep the truly nasty nations of the world in check. There are nations for whom our flag is an offense, but in most cases this is for all the right reasons.

As Arnold Toynbee once said, “America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.” On the whole, our collective heart is in the right place, and I don’t think we truly appreciate our place in the world, or how the peoples of the world look to us. Are we the best nation on earth? Who knows? I just know that I’m fortunate to live here. America, as a nation and as a symbol, still means something. The symbols of our country should still mean something, too.

Thank you to those men and youths last Friday night for the powerful and touching reminder.

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Struggling to post

There ain’t no cure for the summertime blues.

I’m struggling to find anything to post about this week. I’m tempted to write another diatribe against the people who seem to have friended me on Facebook for the sole purpose of hating me. Seriously, if you don’t know me well enough to know that I pretty much represent everything you feel is wrong with the world (and harp on several times a day), why did you friend me? And if you do know me well enough to know that and still friended me anyway so you could bludgeon me repeatedly with your beliefs (all the while complaining that I force my beliefs on you), then shame on you.

I’m planning to start unfriending/muting some people in the near future.

In any case, my family and I are in the middle of a somewhat busy week. My boys, wife and I had cub scout camps last weekend, my daughter has a girls camp this week, and my older son has a scout camp this weekend I’ll be going to. There was also a cub scout pack meeting in there, a rather busy Sunday, car repairs, and a charity event coming up. I’m not complaining, just explaining. We got ourselves into all of it, so it would be silly to complain. But perhaps, knowing that, you’ll be patient if I don’t feel like posting as well. I’m too busy to have anything to talk about.

On the positive side, I’m making decent progress on my novel, and I’m getting ideas together for the next one. As I’ve decided that heavy outlining doesn’t work for me, I’m instead going to focus on heavy world-building this next time around, create a rather generalized outline, and write a semi-seat-of-the-pants draft and see how that goes. Of course I’ve still got to finish the novel I’m currently writing, and I’m probably only about half done at this point, so it’s not like I’ll be starting on a new novel any time soon. That may be a good thing, though, as I’ll have more time to work on my worldbuilding for the next and letting it stew a bit before starting.

And that’s the news from Lake Whoa! Be gone!

Posted in Random Musings | 5 Comments