Powerless

We humans like to think we’re in control. We like to think we can fix things. But in the end there is far too much beyond our control.

My latest reminder of this came in the form of a goldfinch we found on our deck last night. We could see nothing wrong with it, but it still just sat there. We’ve seen squirrels do that, and were instructed by people who know to spray them with water, as they’re likely struggling with overheating. We got a spray bottle and misted this bird, which only would make it blink and occasionally flutter a little. We tried giving it seeds in case it was hungry. Nothing. We gave it some water to drink, and it took a little. Then it would tuck its head into its wing and sleep.

Night was coming on. We have cats in the neighborhood, so we couldn’t just leave it there. So we constructed it a shelter with food, water, and a box to hide in, and covered it over with a laundry basket and towels for the night. We would check on it, and it was still moving around from time to time. There really wasn’t much more we could do.

This morning it was dead. We can try to comfort ourselves with the idea that at least its last hours were calm, quiet, and secure, not as cat food, and that hopefully it realized that we cared. But in the end we still failed. The bird may not be dead because of us, but the bird is also not alive because we saved it. We can only just hope that we didn’t inadvertently bring about its death from trying to help it.

We can’t fix everything. No, we shouldn’t give up trying. But caring comes at a cost, and action inherently includes the chance of failure.  I still think I would rather have tried and failed, than having failed to try. But ultimately far too many things, success or failure, are not really in our control.